Top 10 Reasons Why the Sun is Overrated

We have all been taught how important and glorious the Sun is, about how all life originates from this great ball of flame, and how it brings warmth and light upon this sacred land of opportunities and adventure, and how we owe all mere lives to the all-almighty orb of unspeakable holiness... Well, it is about time we wake up from this dream of lies and face the concrete-hard ice-cold facts, cause the Sun is nothing but being more overrated than Kubrick's 2001 Space Odyssey (seriously, I genuinely cannot physically grasp how someone could sit through that 2 hours of pure distilled ennui without falling asleep). So throw yourself onto the sofa, take a deep breath, and let me knock some sense up your intestines, cause we gonna explore the top 10 reasons why the Sun ain't as awesome as you have been brainwashed to believe.

This post is sponsored by The Moon Gang.

1. It only comes out at day time

I hate to state the obvious, but in case you are one of those kids whose minds are polluted by those 5 second tiktoks plaguing the internet and thus been trained to possess the concentration span of a dead goldfish, I have decided to kickstart my list with the most irrefutable argument to get your attention: the Sun you claim to be that amazing, does not work at night. Checkmate.

Oh, your Sun gives light? Well, sorry to break your little bubble of false security, but that light bulb of yours ain't brightening up after supper innit? What's the point of having a source of light that only works for half the day when the dusty lamp I got from the second-hand store down the road for five dollars and forty cents produces nothing but a constant reliable supply of bright rays. Twenty-four seven. Non-stop.

So say what you want, but the way I see it, that glowing sphere of yours can hardly pull an all-nighter for you if you want to stay out a bit longer for a picnic at the beach after six in the evening, even if you try asking it real nice. Not even if you fall to the ground and beg like a sad puppy at the animal shelter. Not even bribery can persuade your friend to stay out a bit longer to bless you with its shine and warmth. 

If some torch that only works half the time isn't considered useless, I don't know what is.

2. Its light is not distributed fairly

This really gets my blood boiling faster than a steam engine on high: when I don't let my daughter of beautiful white pureness date no black man, those idiots on the streets call me a racist, BUT when the Sun comes out and shines on each nation unevenly, that's science?! Now that's double standard, nothing but hypocrisy to the first degree, your honour. 

If you don't believe me, go check your encyclopedia, cause I've double-fact checked my knowledge. Triple fact checked in fact! People at the equator receive more sunlight. The poor people at the poles get almost none. This situation is more corrupt than when Obama rigged the elections and here you are with your nerdy glasses and certified-bulliable turtleneck claiming that this is all normal and natural. Either the Sun gets to pick which group of people gets more of its energy, or I get to decide which skin color can lay hands on my daughter. 

#justice_for_people_at_the_poles

3. It makes my eyes hurt

Personal experience. 100% true story. 

I was eleven, just playing basketball with the boys. Vibing. Chilling. 

We got bored after an hour and Dave stopped the game and asked whether we were keen to try something else. He said he learned this cool game from his brother called "Truth-or-dare" and we take turns either answering a question truthfully, or completing a challenge proposed by another, regardless of how dangerous or embarrassing it is. That sounded like a cool idea at the time, so all six of us got together in a circle, and took turns "truth"-ing or "dare"-ing each other.

Jeff chose truth, and Dave asked him when's the last time he peed on his bed. Jeff looked down, face red, and said it was last week.

James chose dare, and Jeff dared him to pole dance at the basketball post. He did.

Will chose dare, and James told him to strip down to his underwear. He did.

Harry chose truth, and Will asked who his secret crush was. He said Ms Harriet, our English teacher. 

Now it's my turn, and I am quaking in my boots harder than a farm pig in a Texas barbecue gathering. No way I'm choosing truth. If Harry knew I have had a crush on his mum for the last three years (oh Mrs Hughes, please leave that abusive husband of yours and come with me, mi amor), God knows what kind of life-and-death situation that would lead to. No! A man cannot throw away his dignity like some used tissue paper. The brave man must hold on to it tighter than a drowning person to a throwline, and defend it with his last dying breath. 

I chose dare, and Harry dared me to stare at the sun for a minute. 

Context: This was summer. The time was 11:45. The weather was 38 degrees Celsius. There were no clouds in the sky. The sun was very hot, and very, very shiny. But pfftttt... it's just a minute. If I could stick my head in water for over a minute, sure thing I could win a staring match against some circle in the sky.

I snorted and asked Will to time me. The moment he said go, I tilted my head up, eyes wide open, right into the origin of illumination. 

It was easy, for the first ten seconds. And then something behind my eyeballs started to burn. The eyes were watering before the pain was registered and I started screaming. Ahhhh, it burns! The boys' faces morphed to horror as I screamed screams of agony and pain and for a while, I yearned for death, because death would still be a kinder ending than the thousands of thousands of needles carving long lines of bloody scars across my head like fingernails on blackboard. But I kept staring. Kept staring at the big bright Sun. Too late to back out now, and not to mention, any man who backs out of a dare is a coward and mummy raised me no coward. 

It was torture. If hell existed, Satan would have created Sun-staring as a punishment for the sinners in the ninth ring of the underworld.

By the time Will said it has been a minute, I felt like eons have passed and that I have lived too many lives and that I have seen through too many wars, and that I have endured too much pain. I looked back at my friends, or at least I tried looking at them, because I could not see a damn thing. 

And even when my doctor said I was lucky to still have 5% of my sight remaining, and even my parents spent their entire life savings on some cornea surgery, and even when we had to move out of our three-storey home and live in some one-room apartment that reeks of urine and rat poison, I still think that's still better than my best friend knowing I'm in love with his mum.

4. It is kinda boring 

Today one of my employees asked me how to become successful like myself. 

I said, "Don't be like the sun."

He asked, "What does that mean?"

I said, "The sun always rises from the East. It always sets in the West. It always comes out in the morning, stays in the sky for almost the same hours, and goes down in the evening. Do you think that's special?"

He said, "No."

I said, "Exactly. In order to stand out in the market, you must not be boring. You must be different. You must be special."

He said, "Wow, this is really great advice! Thank you. You have changed my life."

Don't be like the sun!

Agree?

5. It causes global warming

Part 3. Consider the following information:

For many years, it was the general consensus that global warming was caused by a wide range of human activities, such as industrialization, deforestation, and fossil fuel burning. However, very recently, scientists at Astar University showed that it might be the case that global warming might not be man-made after all.

"The rise of Earth's temperature is directly correlated with the Sun's solar activity," said Dr Baker, the chief scientist of the Climate Lab at Astar University, "Human factors barely make a difference to our climate." Dr Baker believes that we are experiencing an increase in temperature merely because we are experiencing an all-time high in solar storms on the Sun's surface. These solar storms drive up the heat on the Sun's exterior, which directly leads to an increase in heat intake of our earth's atmosphere. She also predicts that the average global temperature should continue to increase in the next decade as computer simulations conducted by her research team suggested that the concentration of solar storms on the storm remain at a relatively high level for the following ten years.

"But this is all very normal and natural," Dr Baker emphasized. By observing fossils from billions of years ago, her team found strong evidence suggesting that the Earth has experienced as high a temperature as today numerous times in the past. Even though she agreed that the rise in temperature is destroying habitats and causing more frequent natural disasters such as drought and flood, Dr Baker believes this is simply a natural phenomenon and that we would just have to live with it. "We cannot stop climate change since we cannot stop the Sun from functioning," she concluded, "instead of wasting time trying to prevent climate change, we should actually start thinking how to survive through it."

a) "Global warming is a natural phenomenon." How can the source above provided give support to this view? Explain. (8 marks) 

b) "The Sun causes more harm than good to the environment nowadays." Do you agree with this view? Explain your answer. (12 marks)

6. It killed my son

The murder. It happened right in front of my eyes.

I heard myself howling to the sky, so loud that my throat hurt, "NOOOO, STOP!!" and it was too late. 

First, it was a drop. Translucent and viscous, half-reflecting rays of gold. It accelerated rapidly in front of me and dived straight down into the waters, like a seabird honing into its prey. I knew it was the ominous warning before the disaster and I cried again in vain, "STOP NOW!"

He couldn't hear me. Echos of waves were loud as drums, bouncing through the thick humid air and blocking the screams from reaching my child. He wore a smile so oblivious and innocent, as he rose higher and higher, into the range of the merciless sun, and I could only watch in horror as the Sun played its attack on my defenceless son.

Another drop, warm and sticky like the one before, losing contact from the very tip of his right wing, and dropped thirty thousand feet into the crashing chaotic sea. And another. And another. 

And I was wailing like the lost souls in the darkest of caves as they fell like soft rain, pouring down, and my sweet sweet boy never noticed. He was too absorbed in the sweet taste of freedom, for the first sensation of liberation is nothing but addictive to the life-long prisoner who has been conditioned to recognize barred cells and windowless brick-walls. He laughed as with each throbbing of his forearms, he soared higher and higher into the traps laid by the Sun, and the wax came down harder now, falling down rapidly and intensely as hail. 

"Father, look!" and those were his final words. 

Maybe too much wax had melted away, or maybe he gained too much altitude, or maybe he pounded his arm a bit too vigorously, or maybe a combination of everything; in slow motion, I watched with fear suffocating me like cotton balls in my throat as one of his wings came off. He was stationary for a split second and soon the cold-hearted laws of gravity roared into action and took command of the situation. The sounds of a rope being cut rang faintly across the universe and I knew his fate, at that point of time, was sealed. His body started gaining speed towards the ground, from many miles above, quickening every instant, and when he was level with me, he was way too fast and way too far for me to reach my arms and grab hold of him. He was looking at the sky as he continued falling all the way to the ocean surface, and right before his fragile frame slammed onto the dark seas, he was still looking at the sky and at his helpless father, a father who was not ready to undergo the emotions of losing a son only after savouring the first few minutes of freedom.

And right before his eyes closed for the last time, he saw the sun, with a twisted sense of humor, smiling great scorching flares back at him. The symbol of everlasting hope and divine renewal, yet also the one who took his life.

7. The daylight saving thing is annoying

Incident report #231

The following is a report on the events that occurred in the early morning of November 3rd, 2045. 

According to the Official Defence Protocol Manual for Extreme Situations, Article IV section 6.5 clause 3.9, there should be at least two officers at the Main Control Room (MCR) at all times, of which at least one of them must hold positions higher or equal to Senior Officer. The three people of interest in this incident were Commander Derek Hoffmann (Junior), Commander James Miller (Junior), and Commander Roy Reynolds (Senior). 

Under normal circumstances, the shifts of all three men overlap in the early morning of November 3rd. Hoffmann's shift starts the previous night and ends at 0145. Miller's shift starts from 0115 and ends at 0700. Reyold's shift starts at 0000 on the dot and ends at 0600. On a normal day, this means that three men are present from 0115 - 0145 at the MCR. However it should be noted that 3rd November happens to be the first Sunday of November and that daylight saving time ends on that day. Hence when the clocks arrive at 0200 the first time, they are moved back by one hour to 0100.

This should still not pose a problem if clear communication has been exercised prior to this rare peculiarity, but this has not been the case. Despite being aware of the daylight saving change, none of the above three men communicated with each other or with higher-ups to remove ambiguity or to corroborate how shift times were to be interpreted that morning.

Hoffmann interpreted his shift's ending time to be the first time the clocks arrive at 0145. Reynold interpreted his shift's starting time to be the second time the clocks arrive at 0115. In other words, neither of those two men was present between the first 0145 and the second 0115 on that day. This directly poses as a violation to the rule stated above, for in principle, only Reynolds was operating at the MCR during that period. In general, this still was not a fatal issue: Reynolds, as Senior Officer, could easily authorize various defensive actions if any threat arised or if any responsive measures were to be required. It was perhaps extremely unfortunate that Reynolds decided that between the first 0145 and the second 0115 on that day, knowing that he was the only person present in the MCR, and that the whole responsibility of directing the last line of defence against foreign nuclear or missile attacks for the country fell heavily on his shoulders, that would be a lovely time to take a break and go outside for a smoke. In simpler terms, there was not a single person at the MCR from the first 0145 to the second 0115. 

At the first instance the clocks arrived at 0150 that morning, the military of South Atonia shot four AT-350 warheads from their central base towards our capital. The purpose of this impromptu action was unknown; experts later deduced that they were merely devices of provocation and taunt against our military since normally our technology can easily neutralize the warheads mid-air before they land and cause any civilian damage. However, as emphasized repeatedly, there was no one at the MCR to detect the unforeseen assault nor to take preventive action, and to the surprise of everyone (especially the South Atonians), all four warheads landed at their destinations successfully, causing immeasurable damage to infrastructure and lives. An estimated 5000 lives were lost immediately after the impact. It was also unfortunate that the country's underground main computing servers were hit by the strike which brought down 80% of the government's internet network, including our central defence system. The consequences were dire and they came quickly. Realizing that all the defence mechanisms of our country were temporarily down, the enemy jumped at the opportunity and launched a forceful attack along the borders of Kastrio and Os Chaman. Our troops were of no resistance without the support of the computer-guided laser missiles and machine-guns, and the enemy army captured our capital in the span of three days. 

It must be emphasized that the series of events that led to the loss of our capital were not only regrettable but also entirely avoidable. The roots of the problem can be attributed to a failure in communication across individuals, which proved to be deadly in these circumstances. On behalf of the investigative committee, I advise that we abolish the daylight saving system temporarily to avoid the occurrence of analogous incidents during these unstable war times. 

8. I don't like yellow

The Sun is yellow and I don't like yellow.

9. It ruined my marriage

"Alright I'll tell ya, OK? I know Betty's a lovely woman but it just won't work OK?"

"Listen to me Dave, here's why I left her. So that was,....errrr... Monday! Ya, Monday. We got married the Saturday before, and man, it was awesome. It was amazing man. She was great and we were havin' a good time now that it was all official. And yeah man, it was great. Err.... where was I? Ah yes, so Monday."

"So Monday, that was errrr what...104 degrees outside? It was real blazin' hot remember? And what do ya know, Becky said she wanted to us to go for a walk outside together. Like it was flamin' outside and she wanted to get outdoors so we could get ourselves burnt like a crisp. But what the hell man. I'm adaptable. So Becky and I went out together under the scorchin' sun because that's what married couples do, right man?"

"Anyway, she put on tons of makeup before leavin'; that's what she does all the time, ya? So we were walkin' for ten minutes tops and we were already sweatin' like pigs. I got my hands coverin' my eyes the whole time right, cause it's so damn hot and I can't see fuckin' nothing in the sunlight. So I wanna throw in the towel and callin' it quits, so I turned to Becky and oh my Lord..."

"Ya ain't gonna believe this but she looked HORRIBLE. She was a mess! All that makeup on her damn face just got melted by the sweat and she looked like some murderous clown, ya know, like that clown in IT? But much more horrible! Way WAY more terrifying. By a million times man! Or errr, that painting, ya know? The one called the Scream? That's what she looked like, and I damn nearly got a heart attack. I was always terrified by clowns as a little kid and her face just traumatised me on the spot. Stop laughin' Dave, it ain't funny. If you had seen that thing, you definitely would have been dashin' away screamin' too."

"It was so damn scary I couldn' talk for a minute. I ain't kiddin' bro. She looked so damn messed up. I couldn' move cause I was so scared, and I felt my hands gettin' cold and I couldn' breathe. And that thing, that thing just asked me whether I was okay and boy I wanna scream and run away, and that thing came closer to my face, with all that mess of a makeup and sweat and horror, and I thought I'm gettin' a kiss by the Devil itself, and I really got a heart attack and I fainted. Seriously, stop laughing!"

"Ya, so the doctor said I better be more careful and avoid those stimuli, so I did what the doctor said and just cut her loose. I ain't wanna be kissed by Death again ya hear me? I mean ya, it's kinda sad, but ya know what my mama always said before she passed away, health before hoes, or somethin' like that."

"So anyway Dave, how's life with ya and Charlotte? Ya know, after she caught you with your cousin at home last time..."

10. It doesn't exist.

FAQ

Q: What is the Sun?
A: The Sun is a flat disc created by NASA that hangs above the Earth, illuminating various regions like a spotlight. On the surface are millions and millions of very powerful and durable LEDs lights, each of which is made to last centuries, and they provide the light we see at daytime. 

Q: So essentially the Sun is just a large piece of metal producing light?
A: Yes that is correct. This also explains why the Sun looks spherical; the device is round in shape.

Q: How big and far away is the Sun?
A: We have not done the maths yet, but we are confident that the Sun is very big and very far away. Our estimates suggest that it might be bigger than the Earth. 

Q: How does the Sun rotate above the Earth?
A: Essentially the Sun does not really rotate above the Earth. Its position remains unchanged. Instead, the angle of the Sun-disc changes periodically. This allows light to be shone on different parts of the Earth, which explains why we experience day and night at regular intervals.

Q: How does the Sun affect seasons on Earth?
A: The intensity of the Sun varies across the months regularly. When the strength of the Sun is high, we experience hotter temperatures, which we know as summer. Similarly, when the Sun is turned to a lower setting, the temperatures on Earth drop, which we recognize as winter. These settings are manually set in place to match the life cycle of crops and maximize food production for the masses.

Q: Where does the Sun get its energy from?
A: The Sun gets its energy from electricity. 

Q: Why does NASA not tell us information about the Sun?
A: NASA is an evil organization that only obeys orders from our malicious government. The supply of light is only a smoke screen; in addition to providing light, the Sun works as a surveillance device and a nuclear weapon storage centre. In the event of a rebellion against the government, NASA can identify where government enemies are located and destroy them with missiles. 

Q: Wait. Isn't the Sun a fiery sphere?
A: No. If the Sun were a fiery sphere, it would have violated the Flat-Earth model.

Q: Wait. Isn't the Earth round?
A: No. If the Earth were round, it would have violated the Flat-Sun model.